The Karpman Triangle - how to NOT play the office games

People often ask me what was the best business advice ever given to me. I never even have to think about it. The best advice was given to me almost 5 years ago. It changed my outlook on office politics forever and has made my career much more enjoyable and less stressful.

When I was having extreme difficulties with a vice president at a company, one of my trusted mentors mentioned that there was an argument triangle (victim, rescuer, and persecutor) called the Karpman Drama Triangle. In this theory, when you play office politics, you play at least one of the roles at all times - maybe all three in one discussion. Really talented players will pick their role and force others to play the other two roles through defensive or passive aggressive means.

I was getting pulled into drama situations constantly with this one boss so much that I wanted to pull my hair out. I would be brought into the VPs office and be told I was a hero or a villain or a poor soul that needed protection several times a day. None of this was accurate and I felt like I was defending my life everyday. Essentially, I felt like a yo-yo.

After a couple of months of this, my mentor asked me what was wrong. I was nervous, worried, stressed, and concerned about every element of a project that was going great. I broke the silence and told her my issues with my boss. My mentor sat back and nodded her head - this was a perfect example of Karpman.

Then she said something awe-inspiring and powerful: the only way to win is to not play the game. Not play the game? Was that an option?

I never thought to not play the games in the office until that day. I believe that was one of the most brilliant and usable pieces of advice I have heard – and I use the advice a lot when working around difficult office politics.

Here are some details and additional sites to research.

Start with this link: www.coachingsupervisionacademy.com/our_approach/karpman_drama_triangle.phtml

Another view of it is: www.ta-tutor.com/!dratri/xdrallp.html